Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
