Please don't use social media to get back at me.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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