I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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