it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Randomize
