I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
