This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
