thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
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Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
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to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
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