i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
We are two peas in an std pod
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
