Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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