dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
