hotel room ftw
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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