I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
