Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
