I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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