a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize