I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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