the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
