no one should ever give us hovercrafts
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
