Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
