just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
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This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
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Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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