But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Randomize
