I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
my sisters under your porch take her home
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
