Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
