Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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