i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
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he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
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Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
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