Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
