whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
