I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
