theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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