you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
