Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
He felt like a one man threesome
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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