What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
