i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
