hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...