Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
jump out the window naked night went bad
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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