and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
