i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
