I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
