why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize