i just google imaged poop.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
