Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
