I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I think people are normalizing furries
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