Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize
