I think my vagina is haunted
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
