I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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