that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Randomize
