I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
