3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
the condom got lost in my hair
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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