and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
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I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
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