Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
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