I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
