Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
ttyl tear gas
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Randomize
