Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i think i have two assholes
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
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