why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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