Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
