He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize