Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
