There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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