Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
