i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
